I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me.

It has come to my attention that my occasional attempts at the lighter interjections amidst the story telling of this blog series seem to get lost among the more serious words and reflections. In short, I am not funny. Sincerely, I appreciate this input. Mastering my ability to convey humor and irony have become one of my goals for writing growth.

That said, I have decided to simply write about what I know has been proven to be the funniest and offer a lighter post in this series. No worries, this piece is still essentially connected to my story of being at a crossroads in life, in Sacramento. And, to assure that nothing is lost in translation, there will be no pretending to be funny here—just the real thing.

A side bar before I proceed: I have also been told that videos do not always show up if you are viewing this blog from your phone or through the email notification. To circumvent, please click on the title of this blog (I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane Is Me) and it will take you directly to the website so you can view the inserted clips as well as the written blog.This should not be an issue if you are reading/watching on your computer, from a web browser.

So here goes…be prepared to laugh.

When I first moved to Sacramento, I knew I was leaving behind friends and a life style. Not the first time but I was really coming into no-man’s land.  I was truly alone. I needed to not only discover a new city and define a new life routine, I also had to find my tribe, my niche, my outlets for companionship, happiness. Honestly, in many ways, this assimilation and search has been slow and unsuccessful. (Yes, this is not the funny part).

I still keep in touch with my old fiends—for which I am grateful. I sincerely appreciate their continued contact in my life. I love to hear about their lives and so appreciate their caring about mine. I also have my dog who, thankfully, is still present in my life. He actually fills in the moments of my day with a purpose (I need to walk, feed, and care for his challenging health issues) but also with a sweetness that lessens the loneliness of my solo existence. So there is love. (Again, this is not the funny part)

But… there actually is a friend that has come along with me and brought understanding, enlightenment, and, yes, humor to my life. As one would go to a favorite song or book, I reference this friend when circumstances always seem to parallel a current life situation or event. I quote this witty, acerbic and smart friend for clarity and support. And I go to this friend for laugh out loud, much needed amusement in an otherwise reality mainly spent with conversations with far away friends and a blind dog.

OK now here comes the funny part…The “friend” is the television show Frasier. Though I have watched it for years, it never loses its significance. I am in awe of the writing…very Noel Coward/Oscar Wilde-esque—with occasional deference to Tom Stoppard. Each conversation dripping with irony, each situation filled with comedic, nuanced wisdom. I just have to turn on my television set (I have the DVD boxed set) and listen to the witticisms of the cast, revel in their exchanges, and appreciate their honest portrayal of the quirks, intelligence, and true humanity of their characters. Quintessential ensemble performances! Perfection!

There is the curmudgeon father, Martin, who, through his basic, “every man” outlook to life, seems to balance out the personalities and situations that surround him. There is Roz, whose dating exploits never cease to relate to mine and who seems to nail each situation with spot-on honesty. I cannot tell you how many times I think, “I wish I said that”. There are days when I feel I am Roz, other days I want to be her. And there is lovely Daphne whose naivete and beauty not only provided the show with the best love story—but who grows with each season into her trueness. I also want to be Daphne.

Of course, there is Niles—the man of my dreams. He is everything I never thought I wanted in a man but actually do. He is persnickety, neurotic, pretentious.  And then, he is kind, funny, sincere, smart, adorable.  He has shown me how important it is to connect with a man who understands music, fine dining, and glockenspiels. He has shown me that it is possible for a man to truly love a woman. He is portrayed exquisitely by David Hyde Pierce who captured such essences—and more.

Let me share three of my favorite Niles moments.

In this scene Niles discovers himself living in a manner where he has to give up his comforts and tries to find a home in a world so different than what he desires. Sound familiar? No coincidence that it mirrors my recent relocation. Though, in all fairness, I live in a nicer place than the Shangri-la and I do not drive a hatchback. But the struggle is real and hilarious.

Here, even Niles, reaches his breaking point, his last straw. How brilliant is this?

 And finally, the Daphne/Niles love story is the best television ever offered—filled with yearning, unabashed adoration, disappointment, and ultimate acceptance. Who doesn’t want to marry Niles? This is my favorite moment…singing in harmony. Sweet and loving.

And then there is Frasier. He is smart and educated. He is worldly and cultured. He is a collector of the most obscure objets d’art. And he obsesses over the placement and significance of each painting, each hand towel and that Berber rug! Of course I can relate--from his replication of Collette’s Paris atelier to his grammatical corrections to his rant over a wet sponge. I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me.

And here is the best thing about Frasier, He realizes that, in spite of all his efforts towards perfection, and though he is genuinely a good person, he is flawed. He loses his temper, is impatient, and often insecure. There is his propensity to over analyze. He crumbles when criticized. Ironically, as a psychiatrist, he should understand how to handle the human neurosis. But Frasier is a walking, living example of a man who cannot seem to figure it out. I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me.

Here are two of my favorites:

Frasier loses his job, gains weight, becomes depressed. I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me. But in the midst of Frasier’s breakdown, there is humor:

Frasier’s parade of dates continued throughout the series. As one who has had her share of dates, I loved the realness and ultimate dance of the “flaws” in each of these ladies. I believe, or want to believe, that Frasier was sincere in seeking love. It’s just that he was “select” and he had such a conscious and subconscious check list—no one could ever “do”.I  Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me.

Along with a wonderful entrourage of eccentric supporting, recurring characters, it is difficult to choose favorites. I simply enjoy each of them. But I do want to pay homage to Eddie, the dog, and Martin’s chair. I put them together not only because they helped define the character of Martin Crane but also offered continued opportunities to build upon the difference between father and sons—while also being poignant and hilarious. With such classic moments when Frasier lost Eddie and “hurled” the chair over the balcony (“There are no accidents”), there was laughter, surprise, and love. Isn’t that what life is about?  

And…now back to me and my life in the Shangrila—oh I mean, Sacramento…Not a day goes by where I do not say, “On Frasier, they said” or “This reminds me of that time on Frasier”, etc. etc.  I even joined the Frasier fan club on Facebook. You know that tribe I was seeking? I finally found my “peeps” in this group of fellow followers…as we exchange continual Frasier memes and analysis. When one member shared a video of a guy, while trying to suavely bed a young woman, simply turns to her and says, “One thing I have to tell you…I fall asleep watching Frasier"... I roared in hysterics.  

I close with these clips—gems amongst season after season of wonderful moments. I hope they bring laughter to your day as they have to my solo days here in Seattle—oh I mean, Sacramento. And I promise, I will learn to become funnier. As I laugh at myself, I hope you will come to see that, not unlike Frasier, I carry on. I Am Frasier Crane. Frasier Crane is Me.

1.Buttons and bows:
Frasier encourages those around him to take risks, seize the day, try something new. For his contribution to the PBS telethon, he decides to sing a very difficult aria—to show he can also push himself. At the last minute, he freezes and goes back to his predictable rendition of a simple song he has sung year after year. Only thing…he just can’t get it right.

2. Bike Riding:

 As a shy, chubby kid, I did not do the normal out-doorsy things that most kids did. I stayed in my room, read, listened to music, studied. Not unlike the Crane boys when they were young. I never learned to ride a bike. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone through most of my life. Imagine me surrounded by college classmates who biked cross campus. I walked. Imagine me teaching my daughters to ride a bike. I did not. Their father did. Imagine me dating a guy in spandex who rode for miles and miles. Clearly that relationship was doomed. And then, I saw this Frasier episode and it was perfect.

3. Groovy lady: My mother loved Frank Sinatra and so did Marty Crane. He wrote a song (Groovy Lady) for Frank. The episode that tells of this showcases the growing bond among the Crane family. Ultimately, Frasier incorporates the song into a eulogy for an aunt. The gesture was indeed is a tribute to his father.

When my aunt died recently, my cousin and I thought it would be such a kick to, instead of an expected eulogy, sing this song. Of course my cousin delivered a lovely eulogy but, thanks to Frasier, at a time of loss and grief, we were able to share a poignant moment of laughter as we envisioned the relatives in a state of shock. 

Maybe this should be my eulogy…how perfect would that be?

4. The Frasier finale: